Wednesday, May 11, 2016

A Muted Shade of Grey

I haven't made a blog entry in a very long time.  A lot has happened since then.

I started an SSRI and as a result, I have gained more weight.  I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life and I'm frustrated beyond measure.  Things have particularly gone off the rails because the weight gain has caused the sleep apnea to flare badly.  I'm very prone to depression when I'm tired and right now the whole world has a tinge of muted grey to it.  I've also learned that I have congenital malformation of my knee caps and after 39 years, I have developed pretty bad arthritis in my left knee. The winter of 2016 has been horrible from an emotional standpoint, as my estranged mother died and 2 beloved family members have had cancer diagnoses. I'm in a bad cycle.

But...time marches forward and so am I.  I started seeing a weight loss specialist last autumn, who prescribed a fairly strict diet. She wants me to go on medication, a notion I'm not fond of.   I am continuing to track my food and exercise.  It's not always pretty but it gets done. I'm doing physical therapy for my knee and I'm going to have a butt of steel when it's done.

I gave up on the tracking the pounds on this blog.  I do a weekly weigh-in but I've decided I don't give a fudge about how many pounds I've lost and neither should anyone else.  My only concern is my health and well-being.  If I can get stronger and get my health issues under control, I will pretty damn happy.

Also, this little gentleman came into my life.  He likes his walks. He will keep his mama motivated.